<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d14495357\x26blogName\x3dGrand+Opening+-+Grand+Closing\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://grandopening-grandclosing.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://grandopening-grandclosing.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-8714086806815753355', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

The Village

The Village found not to be village after all.

In the course of Netflix-piracy, I have acquired the new centerpiece of my collection- far outstripping even my burned copies of the Office Xmas Special or the complete SportsNight. The Village, the fourth movie from M. Night Shyamalanalakhim, was quite clearly the best movie to feature Bryce Dallas Howard and Joaqin Phoenix in all of 2004.

For emphasis.

Even if this weren't the most genital-retractingly frightening movie I've ever seen, with monsters the likes of which primitive children probably dreamt about, it features a performance from Bryce Dallas Howard that makes you look at blind girls in a whole new and less perverted light. Who could forget the scene where the tear drops on the opposite side of her profile than faces the camera?

I have a bad history of oversummarizing Shyamalan movies (check out my 75% scale synopsis of Unbreakable sometime); but if there is any skepticism or ivory-towering about this movie, let it end here. If nothing else, it's worth watching Adrien Brody flail around retarded.

Relevant links:
The Village (2004)
Bryce Dallas Howard
« Home | Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »

8:50 AM

"If nothing else, it's worth watching Adrien Brody flail around retarded."

I take offense to that.    

11:06 AM

Don't you realize that's why I watch it? I pretend he's working at Sauer-Danfoss and that he has a dwarf for a boss.    

11:21 AM

i pretend i'm making sweet love to bryce dallas howard    

11:35 AM

I do, but I pretend she's still blind, and all touching your face and orgasming like Stevie Wonder and shit.    

11:35 AM

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.    

» Post a Comment